What do you mean? Where you begin and I end? I don’t know what you are talking about? I was violated physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally. I learned I was the abuser’s property. I couldn’t say NO. My thoughts and my feelings belonged to the abuser. My thoughts and my feelings were owned by my dysfunctional parent. When I had a feeling it was the wrong feeling, or I was told not to be ridiculous, this wasn’t what I was feeling. I was gaslighted for my perceptions and feelings. My abusers told themselves lies so they could make sense of their own dysfunction. I was touched, kicked, pushed, shoved, beaten. My body belonged to my abuser….. my parent. I feel shame all the time. Like I am worthless and do not deserve to be here
Rants from the adaptive child…What are needs? Do you mean meet other peoples needs? My kids? My partner? My dysfunctional parents? I remember taking care of my parents when I was a kid. Is this what you mean? I don’t know what my needs are. I get hungry. I get tired. Is this what you mean? Sometimes I think I get my wants and needs mixed up. I need to eat but I work instead. I need to sleep but I binge watch television instead. I need to go to the doctor but I work instead. I need to go to the dentist but I take pain killer instead. I don’t remember anyone caring about my needs. I do remember being yelled at or ignored when I tried to ask for something. I think I learned not to ask for what you need….. the consequence was too painful. I would get sick and my mom would say, ” stop complaining, it will clear up in a couple days. ” I remember being really sick. Is this what you mean?