Rants from the Adaptive Child

Assertiveness

Assertiveness whats that? Oh you mean when  I hold in my anger for so long that it comes out as,  ” bleep off,” or “bleep that,” or “bleep you!” Oh, you don’t mean that?

Oh you mean I  hold in the anger and stonewall the person?  Oh, I can do that! Isn’t that better than ” bleep off?”

I don’t have any idea what you are talking about with assertiveness. I grew up in a home where it was one way or the other. It was violent or silent.

Black and white are what I lived. There is no grey, so I have no idea how to be assertive.

The chances are excellent that while I am trying to sort out assertiveness, I might tell you to bleep off sometimes.  Not to mention the guilt that comes with standing up for myself. After all… standing up for myself usually led to a whole bunch more trouble in my family.

It wasn’t worth it.

Isn’t it better to avoid the person? This way I won’t tell them to bleep off, and I don’t have to feel angry inside when I am around them, and they keep doing things I don’t like.

Assertiveness. 

Saying what you feel about another person’s behaviour and what you would like differently.  When you don’t clean the dishes, I feel frustrated, and I would want you to do them tonight.

Sticking to the facts about what you see, hear, observe the other person doing not what you think they are thinking or feeling or why they do something you don’t like.

Being clear about what you what and offering a solution to get it.

Setting a boundary between what is ok and what is not ok with you.

Kindly advocating for yourself.

Asking yourself, ” how can I ask for what I want with dignity and self-respect?”