Crystal Arber is a trauma therapist, educator and speaker in the field of PTSD. She uses EMDR as her form of treatment. She works with military, police, first responders, survivors of childhood trauma, critical incidents, youth and families.
Dissociation is a phenomena or defence mechanism designed to protect us from threat. It’s a state that one can move into when they sense danger. Sometimes when a person is in a dangerous or threatening situation a person will freeze kind of like a deer in headlights. Once the threat has past so does the freeze response.
Children idealize their dysfunctional caregivers in various ways. They do this by creating a fantasy of who their caregivers are. They literally tell themselves lies, make up stories in their mind about how wonderful their caretakers are. They exaggerate their caretaker’s strengths to minimize the deficits or abuse as a way to survive the dysfunctional system. They tell stories to themselves about how wonderful their father, mother or caregivers are so that they can be sure to omit the abuse adapt and carry on.
Did you grow up in a childhood where you spent the majority of your time taking care of your caregiver(s) needs? Instead of your parents meeting your needs, you found yourself sacrificing your needs to take care of your parents? Your parents were self-involved, more worried about their own needs and wants that you were neglected or ignored? This kind of parenting is known as narcissistic parenting.
We are embedded in a critical age of what I am going to call digital attachment trauma.It is with much sadness I witness parents on their digital gadgets while their school-age children are either on their digital toys as well, or they are bored and staring at their parent consumed with facebook, twitter or YouTube. It’s actually even more heartbreaking to watch these parents children role model their parent’s example. To see a young child’s face showing the expression of loneliness and boredom while their parent continues to ignore them over the digital gadget is worrisome.